For almost 10 years, I've traveled between cities during the work week, with my primary home and my family in northern Ohio and my work 3.5 hours away.
When I first began my career, at 52, having a weekday apartment of my own felt like long lost freedom. Now, it feels like isolation and loneliness made tangible.
I had some friends, some connection and a sense of belonging before the career launch but now, after 10 years of belonging nowhere, I realize I've had enough. I set out to fulfill my dream job adventure only to realize one really must count the collateral damage/cost any choice in life may bring.
I spent 20 years working on my education, taking one class at a time to finish my BA, then my Master's, then another Master's. I work in service to our country, but honestly Vicki, it is soooo hard to know even a sliver of what goes on " behind the curtain," knowing the dangers our country faces, things we civil servants can't share or explain because of national security/ classification, then watch the tantrums my fellow countrymen throw because they simply cant know what they dont know.
Like it or not, much of what people are protesting and hand wringing about looks ridiculous to me and would to you as well if you could know just a few of the geopolitical dangers, some of the scary dynamics playing out in the world, that these unpopular actions are trying to proactively protect us all from.
This is not a kumbaya world. Sorry. It's just not. And no amount of wishing it to be so will change that. It was terrifying to me, in my field of work, to watch the last 4 years, as the floodgates to sooo many safeguards fell and dangers were ignored or worse encouraged. Now, the hard and unpopular work of healing the gaping wounds in our national security must be done. Unpopular for those who dont know "the rest of the story," as Andy Rooney used to say.
I've lost several friends, been alienated by my sister's, all because I hold diffent opinions than them. The sad and lonely part is watching people you love develop into hateful creatures knowing the cure is knowing the big picture of what's really going on, and not being able to tell them.
This too is a loneliness that is profoundly deep. But I love my country enough to listen to the uninformed insults, watch the crazy tantrums like I did when I forcefully saved my child from touching a hot stove he was determined to grab with 2 hands. He didn't know what he didnt know. I continue to serve knowing " they know not
Thankyou Vicky. I'm writing to you from Australia. I'm a retired medico and l too live alone and share your experience. An elderly patient once said, old age is one loss after another. I now understand this. It's a universal. The protagonist in Elizabeth Strout's most recent novel suddenly realised we are all alone. I think that when we're younger and busier we can defend against this. Nature is the remedy for me, getting into green spaces. Even seeing them on screens can help. BTW, your book 'Your Money...' was a powerful influence. Still is. Thankyou and Blessings
A clue in what you write, that in the middle of life one can blanket the longings of the heart with beloved pursuits, but then, when the drive for these passions is less, the hearts desires emerge as though they've been with you all along waiting their turn. Universal.
I've been diligently working through a wonderful book titled Creating a Purposeful Life: How to reclaim your life, live more meaningfully and befriend time, by Richard Fox.
I am convinced this book should be prerequisite reading to YMOYL. Really digging deep to discover your true passions, purpose, calling fills in that core driver of YMOYL, of living by design to fulfill your greater vision.
How do you discover what that is if it isn't clear to you? This book has been a wonderful journey of self discovery. And now I know what I'm aiming at.
My immediate, surface answer to loneliness resides in my Gemini constitution; I just visit whatever interior dual nature is present at the time, separate and watching from the edge of my consciousness. I know , recognize and appreciate both sides of my nature now at almost eighty years old, can depend on their loyalty and resourcefulness and appreciate their diversity. AND, because I live alone, I can speak to myself aloud for that conversation! I find filling the silence with my alter-voice comforts me. I lost my bestie of 54 years during covid, so I also visit her in my head, eyes closed, visualizing me appearing at her door whatever time of the day or night my loneliness or inquiry had surfaced. I watch her approach through the glass top of her door, knowing she will open the door, say to me, " Come in. Sit down while I get a cigarette and a Diet Coke so I can listen to you work whatever is bothering you out with yourself." And she would sit and do just that with and for me---listen to me work out my current dilemma with myself! That scenario remains available, still, just a memory away........
I travel quite a bit since I retired 9 years ago now. Much of it I do alone since my wife is still working and She doesn’t like to travel as much as I do. I’ll get her to go with me for a week or two then I’ll go off in my own for several weeks.
My early travels were marked for something like a conversation starvation diet. Even when I was in an English speaking country I found it hard to have conversations with people when I was traveling. I didn’t try much and I didn’t have the gift of gab like some others in my family, like my brother and father.
They would strike up conversations with strangers everywhere we went. When I was with them I learned to figure out ways to bide my time while they chatted.
A few years ago I visited a high school acquaintance, Stan, who had had his career working in the Australian Outback. In Alice Springs. In high school he was a quiet kid. He was bullied as quiet and somewhat different souls are in high school. I didn’t know him well. We met again at our 40th high school reunion and we chatted a bit. I discovered that he lived in Australia. I’ve always wanted to visit Australia so I kept that in mind.
Just before our 50th reunion I sent him a note saying I was hoping to see him again at the reunion. He couldn’t come for a variety of reasons but he renewed his offer to show me around if ever I was in Australia.
I found my way there soon after. I was greeted as a long lost friend, gifted with a bottle of single malt scotch for my travels. He had seen a post I made with a glass 🥃 that I was sipping in an airport lounge at the beginning of my journey!
I was only in his town Adelaide for a few days but Stan taught me something about human nature that changed my life. Certainly, I don’t travel the same way now.
Stan talks to everyone. I have never seen anything like it (except for my brother and father). Even so I was amazed. And since I was his guest he pulled me into nearly every conversation. We walked along a path between beaches and I think he talked to 50 people while we walked. Oh, that’s an interesting doodle, he’d say. What kind? A labradoodle! We had Sadie who was a labradoodle. She was the sweetest dog. I bet your doodle is a sweetheart, too. What’s her name? Ah, look she is a sweetie.
Just like that, Stan engaged with so many on the way down the beach.
We got to the restaurant and I swear he had the waitresses’ fb name within minutes. She asked him first! Amazing!
I was dumbfounded at how he could engage so many people in conversations. Not light stuff either. He’d have people talking about their childhood crushes, how they deal with having lost their spouse, and how much their home cost in no time.
Then I got an inkling. He truly enjoys speaking with people and he shares his appreciation for them.
To a buffet worker, wow, those chips were great. I like how you keep them coming so they are hot, hot. I love them too that way. Where are you from? Kangaroo Island? It was so sad the fires last year. Is that when you moved here?
Just like that.
So amazed, I tried it. Wow, this is a really great book store you have here. The staff’s favorite shelves is particularly neat. Are you Janet? I noticed you recommended Murakami’s book on running. Do you run? …
I’m a bit of a novice still. But I’ve changed. My trips around the world aren’t so lonely any more. I’m not that gregarious but I talk to a lot of people now. I’m not conversation starved any more when I go on trips. I find myself in the most absorbing conversations about where other tourists are from. Should I visit there? Where should I go? I wouldn’t think winter is the best season to visit. It is?
Anyway, this is long, long now. Loneliness. I was cured of it by Stan. What he taught me was how to connect, how to open up, how to appreciate. People respond with kindness from their hearts. Genuine smiles. When I’m home I’m greeted by service workers that I’ve gotten to know. I have to let them know when I’m off traveling so they won’t worry about why I haven’t been in.
Is it a cure for everyone? I don’t know. I think it could work for you, Vicki. It probably does and I’m preaching to the choir.
Speak to people from your heart. Show you care. Notice them. Appreciate. Tenfold return.
I return to the most beautiful greeting I know. Namaste. 🙏 I bow to the divine within you. Within you, Vicki. Thank you for your writing and having this Substack. I’m always engaged. And I’ve had some good conversations with it.
That's my basic nature, to connect with everyone I cross paths with. friend-ly -friend-ish - friend in need... when my the sails of my spirit are full.
You are such a powerful role to me of REAL honesty Vicki - not just being a cheerleader to help others thrive, but also in sharing that sometimes, even with your irrepressible spirit, your meaningful creative pursuits and vision, and your ability to both friend and be friended, living alone without a 'bestie' gets DAMN HARD. We are a tribal species, we are meant to keep each other close (not that I want to romanticize that, living communally or with close family comes with its own challenges!)
Something that struck a chord with me, and from hearing the stories of many other unpartnered non-mothers over the years, is how the informal bonds that we might come to rely on - friends, neighbours - can and do change as their life circumstances change, and can leave us more isolated than we'd like, and had hoped for. This can feel like an abandonment emotionally, even if we are robustly pragmatic about it. It can happen at any age, but in old age, and in a time of shifting sands, it hits hard. Big hugs, Jody x
“When my mind is full of the sunshine of creativity, I fail to notice how threadbare my blanket of local connections may have become. A panic comes scratching at the door of my mind…”
I live alone with my small family within an hour away and a few good friends. I’m lucky. But when the nights a long and yes when the days are grey — but perhaps even more so when they are sunny and people are out with their friends enjoying the activities you need company to fully enjoy — Loneliness comes knocking.
In fact I think he or she never really leaves.
Thank you for sharing and reminding me that I am not the only one feeling this.
thank you for this reflection. I'm curious about how "admitting" loneliness brings embarrassment; if you were someone better, more attractive, wiser in your choices, you would not end up lonely. I asked myself to say this out loud, to be honest, responsibly as well as heartfully, suspecting there's a lot of loneliness tucked away that doesn't get spoken for fear of ... what?
I actually think it’s an old evolutionary thing. If you’re alone there must be something to be suspicious about! Like the disease might spread! But you know I think it’s better to sometimes feel alone than to be desperately trying to fill up every minute of the day with ‘busy-mess’ to stave off those feelings. I think there’s a real complicated and hidden grief amongst older people whose lives have not panned out the way they expected.
But the alternative is to live with someone who drives you crazy or worse!!
So we live on, choosing to see the sparkle in the day whenever we can while reminding ourselves this life can be beautiful as well as horrifying, empty as well as full, and it’s all so crazily absurd!!
Today, I choose to play like a kid and just make it all in to a game!!
I read your words and it sounds like my life! Yet I see you in a vibrant community (you live in one of my favorite places!) where you at least know some folks. It’s interesting the images we have of others. I too love living alone, and I’m fortunate to have many good friends, and some real “besties”, but all of them are 4-6 hours away, and driving through steep winding notches through the mountains. I keep myself busy with my projects - writing, and now creating a new Anointing Oil. But with such limited reach compared to my past, I spend too much time being frustrated trying to reach more . . . because otherwise how can I help? These times are such that I never, in my worst nightmares, could have believed about our country. And I have NEVER seen the US with rose colored glasses.
I don’t know how to deal with the isolation from physical people, and the loneliness I feel at some point each day. Most of my friends are younger than me, and busier than me so we often schedule our phone time. There’s just a couple of people I can just pick up the phone and call with any hope that they will answer or have the time. I’ve been trying to find the gift in all this and there are some. But in general I feel it’s a trial and there’s lots of heartache and wondering about what, if anything, I can still do in my life that matters. And if I what I do does not matter, then there is no point.
Thank you for this thoughtful and honest post, Vicki. So many are struggling with loneliness right now, and I do think part of it is due to *gestures wildly* everything going on and wanting someone smart/close/wise/hilarious to go through it with! The uncertainty of it all is harder to handle without a bestie. Sending love and a creative wave to lift you up!
I am not surprised and am hugely happy that you two know each other. Complex thoughtful irrepressible hearts have a way of finding each other - and despite so much else about FB, I do feel gratitude to it for its role in enabling that.
Moving away from all of this immediate drama and becoming a scientific refugee in my sixties is proving to be one of the most complicated and emotionally messy decisions of all my time. 💔
That is lovely, Phoebe! Vicki and I actually met in person at her home years ago when I was finishing up my book tour. My husband and I had been fans of "Your Money Or Your Life" and Vicki was gracious enough to invite us over to chat during a heat wave. Now that I am officially a senior (turning 65 this week) I listen even more closely to her wisdom. it sings to me. 🎶
THIS: "wanting someone smart/close/wise/hilarious to go through it with!" I truly long for that. I have it all... but close... like daily... within a half hour drive or less... texting... "hey did you see THIIIIS"... visiting... getting in the van and going... yes, i am not alone for sure, I have close ones far away and some good friends here, but the immensity of this can overwhelm the satisfied mind
I think I've figured out what this depression dip is all about, at least for me. All the time I spent alone in my studio, first learning the process and then the demanding career which gave me no choice but to work alone. I had plenty of friends but as time went by, they were mostly online artists and what's left, still are. My choice to live a rural life with family close by was a good decision until I realize how alone I really am. Since I no longer paint, I write. And read the many stories from others that are aging as we are. There's community here. Oh! The sun has come out... I could use some Vitamin D... time for a walk !
Yes! I think one of the reasons I’m so down (as I expressed in my earlier post) is because we are living through the wettest, grayest spring (from April and continuing now into June) in the history of where I live in NY. Even if it’s not raining, it’s gray. I’m a sun lover and when I read your post, I realized I’m desperate for sun. Vit. d is all well and good but it’s no substitute for the emotional uplift of sun and blue skies (without the smoke we’ve also been getting).
Having grown up in a dysfunctional family, and later marrying into a couple of dysfunctional relationships, I am happy to be alone at home. I feel blessed to live without the drama.
BUT! You hit the nail on the head. I miss a bestie. A local one. My bestie died almost 20 years ago, and I miss her still...
Sending you a hug, Vicki, across the political abyss... :-)
Oh yes, I feel the loss of good friends to help and be helped by. Life comes at us so fast and strong these days...one pop up after another. It is a lot. I know I have to explore new ways of reaching out and connecting. I accidently walked into a senior recreation centre on a city walk last week and felt immediately that this might be good for me. My lack of a village since I retired has been a noticeable absence. I am going to risk the vulnerability of proclaiming I am a senior single woman and I want to join the fun. Here for you, xx
It's so easy to be lonely. For me, it's always a sneak attack, even when partnered. Maybe especially when partnered and the rich connection that I expect and crave is ...undone, at least temporarily.
I Love both your wisdom and your vulnerability and absolutely relate to what you’ve shared. It can be such a delicate balance - delicious solitude and freedom with security and a modicum of certainty. And yet I think you’re doing it as successfully as possible. Sending you love…
For almost 10 years, I've traveled between cities during the work week, with my primary home and my family in northern Ohio and my work 3.5 hours away.
When I first began my career, at 52, having a weekday apartment of my own felt like long lost freedom. Now, it feels like isolation and loneliness made tangible.
I had some friends, some connection and a sense of belonging before the career launch but now, after 10 years of belonging nowhere, I realize I've had enough. I set out to fulfill my dream job adventure only to realize one really must count the collateral damage/cost any choice in life may bring.
I spent 20 years working on my education, taking one class at a time to finish my BA, then my Master's, then another Master's. I work in service to our country, but honestly Vicki, it is soooo hard to know even a sliver of what goes on " behind the curtain," knowing the dangers our country faces, things we civil servants can't share or explain because of national security/ classification, then watch the tantrums my fellow countrymen throw because they simply cant know what they dont know.
Like it or not, much of what people are protesting and hand wringing about looks ridiculous to me and would to you as well if you could know just a few of the geopolitical dangers, some of the scary dynamics playing out in the world, that these unpopular actions are trying to proactively protect us all from.
This is not a kumbaya world. Sorry. It's just not. And no amount of wishing it to be so will change that. It was terrifying to me, in my field of work, to watch the last 4 years, as the floodgates to sooo many safeguards fell and dangers were ignored or worse encouraged. Now, the hard and unpopular work of healing the gaping wounds in our national security must be done. Unpopular for those who dont know "the rest of the story," as Andy Rooney used to say.
I've lost several friends, been alienated by my sister's, all because I hold diffent opinions than them. The sad and lonely part is watching people you love develop into hateful creatures knowing the cure is knowing the big picture of what's really going on, and not being able to tell them.
This too is a loneliness that is profoundly deep. But I love my country enough to listen to the uninformed insults, watch the crazy tantrums like I did when I forcefully saved my child from touching a hot stove he was determined to grab with 2 hands. He didn't know what he didnt know. I continue to serve knowing " they know not
what they do."
- Peace.
Thankyou Vicky. I'm writing to you from Australia. I'm a retired medico and l too live alone and share your experience. An elderly patient once said, old age is one loss after another. I now understand this. It's a universal. The protagonist in Elizabeth Strout's most recent novel suddenly realised we are all alone. I think that when we're younger and busier we can defend against this. Nature is the remedy for me, getting into green spaces. Even seeing them on screens can help. BTW, your book 'Your Money...' was a powerful influence. Still is. Thankyou and Blessings
A clue in what you write, that in the middle of life one can blanket the longings of the heart with beloved pursuits, but then, when the drive for these passions is less, the hearts desires emerge as though they've been with you all along waiting their turn. Universal.
I've been diligently working through a wonderful book titled Creating a Purposeful Life: How to reclaim your life, live more meaningfully and befriend time, by Richard Fox.
I am convinced this book should be prerequisite reading to YMOYL. Really digging deep to discover your true passions, purpose, calling fills in that core driver of YMOYL, of living by design to fulfill your greater vision.
How do you discover what that is if it isn't clear to you? This book has been a wonderful journey of self discovery. And now I know what I'm aiming at.
My immediate, surface answer to loneliness resides in my Gemini constitution; I just visit whatever interior dual nature is present at the time, separate and watching from the edge of my consciousness. I know , recognize and appreciate both sides of my nature now at almost eighty years old, can depend on their loyalty and resourcefulness and appreciate their diversity. AND, because I live alone, I can speak to myself aloud for that conversation! I find filling the silence with my alter-voice comforts me. I lost my bestie of 54 years during covid, so I also visit her in my head, eyes closed, visualizing me appearing at her door whatever time of the day or night my loneliness or inquiry had surfaced. I watch her approach through the glass top of her door, knowing she will open the door, say to me, " Come in. Sit down while I get a cigarette and a Diet Coke so I can listen to you work whatever is bothering you out with yourself." And she would sit and do just that with and for me---listen to me work out my current dilemma with myself! That scenario remains available, still, just a memory away........
There is wisdom in this Ruthie
I travel quite a bit since I retired 9 years ago now. Much of it I do alone since my wife is still working and She doesn’t like to travel as much as I do. I’ll get her to go with me for a week or two then I’ll go off in my own for several weeks.
My early travels were marked for something like a conversation starvation diet. Even when I was in an English speaking country I found it hard to have conversations with people when I was traveling. I didn’t try much and I didn’t have the gift of gab like some others in my family, like my brother and father.
They would strike up conversations with strangers everywhere we went. When I was with them I learned to figure out ways to bide my time while they chatted.
A few years ago I visited a high school acquaintance, Stan, who had had his career working in the Australian Outback. In Alice Springs. In high school he was a quiet kid. He was bullied as quiet and somewhat different souls are in high school. I didn’t know him well. We met again at our 40th high school reunion and we chatted a bit. I discovered that he lived in Australia. I’ve always wanted to visit Australia so I kept that in mind.
Just before our 50th reunion I sent him a note saying I was hoping to see him again at the reunion. He couldn’t come for a variety of reasons but he renewed his offer to show me around if ever I was in Australia.
I found my way there soon after. I was greeted as a long lost friend, gifted with a bottle of single malt scotch for my travels. He had seen a post I made with a glass 🥃 that I was sipping in an airport lounge at the beginning of my journey!
I was only in his town Adelaide for a few days but Stan taught me something about human nature that changed my life. Certainly, I don’t travel the same way now.
Stan talks to everyone. I have never seen anything like it (except for my brother and father). Even so I was amazed. And since I was his guest he pulled me into nearly every conversation. We walked along a path between beaches and I think he talked to 50 people while we walked. Oh, that’s an interesting doodle, he’d say. What kind? A labradoodle! We had Sadie who was a labradoodle. She was the sweetest dog. I bet your doodle is a sweetheart, too. What’s her name? Ah, look she is a sweetie.
Just like that, Stan engaged with so many on the way down the beach.
We got to the restaurant and I swear he had the waitresses’ fb name within minutes. She asked him first! Amazing!
I was dumbfounded at how he could engage so many people in conversations. Not light stuff either. He’d have people talking about their childhood crushes, how they deal with having lost their spouse, and how much their home cost in no time.
Then I got an inkling. He truly enjoys speaking with people and he shares his appreciation for them.
To a buffet worker, wow, those chips were great. I like how you keep them coming so they are hot, hot. I love them too that way. Where are you from? Kangaroo Island? It was so sad the fires last year. Is that when you moved here?
Just like that.
So amazed, I tried it. Wow, this is a really great book store you have here. The staff’s favorite shelves is particularly neat. Are you Janet? I noticed you recommended Murakami’s book on running. Do you run? …
I’m a bit of a novice still. But I’ve changed. My trips around the world aren’t so lonely any more. I’m not that gregarious but I talk to a lot of people now. I’m not conversation starved any more when I go on trips. I find myself in the most absorbing conversations about where other tourists are from. Should I visit there? Where should I go? I wouldn’t think winter is the best season to visit. It is?
Anyway, this is long, long now. Loneliness. I was cured of it by Stan. What he taught me was how to connect, how to open up, how to appreciate. People respond with kindness from their hearts. Genuine smiles. When I’m home I’m greeted by service workers that I’ve gotten to know. I have to let them know when I’m off traveling so they won’t worry about why I haven’t been in.
Is it a cure for everyone? I don’t know. I think it could work for you, Vicki. It probably does and I’m preaching to the choir.
Speak to people from your heart. Show you care. Notice them. Appreciate. Tenfold return.
I return to the most beautiful greeting I know. Namaste. 🙏 I bow to the divine within you. Within you, Vicki. Thank you for your writing and having this Substack. I’m always engaged. And I’ve had some good conversations with it.
Thank you.🙏
That's my basic nature, to connect with everyone I cross paths with. friend-ly -friend-ish - friend in need... when my the sails of my spirit are full.
You are such a powerful role to me of REAL honesty Vicki - not just being a cheerleader to help others thrive, but also in sharing that sometimes, even with your irrepressible spirit, your meaningful creative pursuits and vision, and your ability to both friend and be friended, living alone without a 'bestie' gets DAMN HARD. We are a tribal species, we are meant to keep each other close (not that I want to romanticize that, living communally or with close family comes with its own challenges!)
Something that struck a chord with me, and from hearing the stories of many other unpartnered non-mothers over the years, is how the informal bonds that we might come to rely on - friends, neighbours - can and do change as their life circumstances change, and can leave us more isolated than we'd like, and had hoped for. This can feel like an abandonment emotionally, even if we are robustly pragmatic about it. It can happen at any age, but in old age, and in a time of shifting sands, it hits hard. Big hugs, Jody x
so beautiful, Jody, to be seen and met with your understanding, and your own observations. big hugs back!
This is so beautifully expressed Vicki:
“When my mind is full of the sunshine of creativity, I fail to notice how threadbare my blanket of local connections may have become. A panic comes scratching at the door of my mind…”
I live alone with my small family within an hour away and a few good friends. I’m lucky. But when the nights a long and yes when the days are grey — but perhaps even more so when they are sunny and people are out with their friends enjoying the activities you need company to fully enjoy — Loneliness comes knocking.
In fact I think he or she never really leaves.
Thank you for sharing and reminding me that I am not the only one feeling this.
thank you for this reflection. I'm curious about how "admitting" loneliness brings embarrassment; if you were someone better, more attractive, wiser in your choices, you would not end up lonely. I asked myself to say this out loud, to be honest, responsibly as well as heartfully, suspecting there's a lot of loneliness tucked away that doesn't get spoken for fear of ... what?
I actually think it’s an old evolutionary thing. If you’re alone there must be something to be suspicious about! Like the disease might spread! But you know I think it’s better to sometimes feel alone than to be desperately trying to fill up every minute of the day with ‘busy-mess’ to stave off those feelings. I think there’s a real complicated and hidden grief amongst older people whose lives have not panned out the way they expected.
But the alternative is to live with someone who drives you crazy or worse!!
So we live on, choosing to see the sparkle in the day whenever we can while reminding ourselves this life can be beautiful as well as horrifying, empty as well as full, and it’s all so crazily absurd!!
Today, I choose to play like a kid and just make it all in to a game!!
I read your words and it sounds like my life! Yet I see you in a vibrant community (you live in one of my favorite places!) where you at least know some folks. It’s interesting the images we have of others. I too love living alone, and I’m fortunate to have many good friends, and some real “besties”, but all of them are 4-6 hours away, and driving through steep winding notches through the mountains. I keep myself busy with my projects - writing, and now creating a new Anointing Oil. But with such limited reach compared to my past, I spend too much time being frustrated trying to reach more . . . because otherwise how can I help? These times are such that I never, in my worst nightmares, could have believed about our country. And I have NEVER seen the US with rose colored glasses.
I don’t know how to deal with the isolation from physical people, and the loneliness I feel at some point each day. Most of my friends are younger than me, and busier than me so we often schedule our phone time. There’s just a couple of people I can just pick up the phone and call with any hope that they will answer or have the time. I’ve been trying to find the gift in all this and there are some. But in general I feel it’s a trial and there’s lots of heartache and wondering about what, if anything, I can still do in my life that matters. And if I what I do does not matter, then there is no point.
just warm arms and understanding Susan. Yes, in our worst nightmares we didn’t conjure this
Thank you for this thoughtful and honest post, Vicki. So many are struggling with loneliness right now, and I do think part of it is due to *gestures wildly* everything going on and wanting someone smart/close/wise/hilarious to go through it with! The uncertainty of it all is harder to handle without a bestie. Sending love and a creative wave to lift you up!
I am not surprised and am hugely happy that you two know each other. Complex thoughtful irrepressible hearts have a way of finding each other - and despite so much else about FB, I do feel gratitude to it for its role in enabling that.
Moving away from all of this immediate drama and becoming a scientific refugee in my sixties is proving to be one of the most complicated and emotionally messy decisions of all my time. 💔
That is lovely, Phoebe! Vicki and I actually met in person at her home years ago when I was finishing up my book tour. My husband and I had been fans of "Your Money Or Your Life" and Vicki was gracious enough to invite us over to chat during a heat wave. Now that I am officially a senior (turning 65 this week) I listen even more closely to her wisdom. it sings to me. 🎶
oh my, i feel in a circle of sisters... being potent in the world and vulnerable with one another!
THIS: "wanting someone smart/close/wise/hilarious to go through it with!" I truly long for that. I have it all... but close... like daily... within a half hour drive or less... texting... "hey did you see THIIIIS"... visiting... getting in the van and going... yes, i am not alone for sure, I have close ones far away and some good friends here, but the immensity of this can overwhelm the satisfied mind
I think I've figured out what this depression dip is all about, at least for me. All the time I spent alone in my studio, first learning the process and then the demanding career which gave me no choice but to work alone. I had plenty of friends but as time went by, they were mostly online artists and what's left, still are. My choice to live a rural life with family close by was a good decision until I realize how alone I really am. Since I no longer paint, I write. And read the many stories from others that are aging as we are. There's community here. Oh! The sun has come out... I could use some Vitamin D... time for a walk !
Yes! I think one of the reasons I’m so down (as I expressed in my earlier post) is because we are living through the wettest, grayest spring (from April and continuing now into June) in the history of where I live in NY. Even if it’s not raining, it’s gray. I’m a sun lover and when I read your post, I realized I’m desperate for sun. Vit. d is all well and good but it’s no substitute for the emotional uplift of sun and blue skies (without the smoke we’ve also been getting).
Having grown up in a dysfunctional family, and later marrying into a couple of dysfunctional relationships, I am happy to be alone at home. I feel blessed to live without the drama.
BUT! You hit the nail on the head. I miss a bestie. A local one. My bestie died almost 20 years ago, and I miss her still...
Sending you a hug, Vicki, across the political abyss... :-)
And a hug from me to you Erin. 🙏 I’ve enjoyed reading your comments and engaging with you. Cheers.
Oh yes, I feel the loss of good friends to help and be helped by. Life comes at us so fast and strong these days...one pop up after another. It is a lot. I know I have to explore new ways of reaching out and connecting. I accidently walked into a senior recreation centre on a city walk last week and felt immediately that this might be good for me. My lack of a village since I retired has been a noticeable absence. I am going to risk the vulnerability of proclaiming I am a senior single woman and I want to join the fun. Here for you, xx
Good 😊 for you
Sending hugs! I appreciate you, your writing, and your general attitude.
Thank you for that confirmation that it's not confined to single women with cats. 😉
It's so easy to be lonely. For me, it's always a sneak attack, even when partnered. Maybe especially when partnered and the rich connection that I expect and crave is ...undone, at least temporarily.
I Love both your wisdom and your vulnerability and absolutely relate to what you’ve shared. It can be such a delicate balance - delicious solitude and freedom with security and a modicum of certainty. And yet I think you’re doing it as successfully as possible. Sending you love…