As I age I am less concerned with striving and (over)doing. I am more interested in being, presence in the moment, and relationship with myself and others.
When I left Vermont for Maine in 1997, leaving my work in Gaian/Earth-based economics behind (to live with my disabled sister after our father had a stroke), I had no clue what would be next. I did know it would be very different. At first I tried to do the same thing as in Vermont - tried to get a “group” going, I could see so much we could do. And after all, I grew up there (in No. Conway, NH, just over the state line from where I my sister lived in Maine). But organizing in that part of ME/NH was not the same as in Montpelier, VT where I had an organization and lots of colleagues . . . Each group waned, summer arrived and everyone was too busy, and one time a woman I called the “rabid vegan” simply would not tolerate any discussion unless it focused on her particular “ONE” solution. There was no polite way to deal with this, nothing that worked in my past experience worked. I did have a regular column in the local paper (The Conway Daily Sun) for many years. I had some fans, and some who were vocally not my fans. 😄
In due time the garden grew and thrived and taught me how to listen in a deeper way than before. All the beings in my garden became my social network in a way. I published a journal for 9 years (Gaian Voices), and in each issue there was an interview with someone I had worked with, or wanted to chat with. When I look back at the work I did in Vermont - the books, newsletters, research projects, and that journal - it’s amazing to me how relevant it all still is. I mean we haven’t progressed nearly far enough, IMO. Certainly not the progress I had expected, or hoped. Then my oldest son died, which shook my world to the core. I swear it changed my DNA. In fact, I know it did. Moving through those first 2-3 years was hard. Very hard. But I did, and I had a brief return to the old activist me when Nestle came to town with the idea of building a water bottling plant there. We defeated it, and then . . . whoosh . . . it was time to sell the house and move to NY where my boys and grandkids are.
I assumed I would be happy being a grandma. Shortly Covid arrived. And I realized that no way was I ready to let go of somehow having a voice in the world. What I knew, however, was that I did not want to focus on economics. I wanted to find a way of integrating my herbal/plant/perfuming into something worth sharing (beyond the actual perfumes I create). The energy of them, the healing gifts of the ingredients (I only work with naturals, including some ingredients I make myself), how our senses have been “dumbed down”, purposefully, over the centuries . . . and I could go on about that but won’t here.
Strangely, at that time, reaching out to old colleagues, coming back into contact with them, putting my stuff out there more, like you (but on a much smaller scale as your work was BIG 😍) people wanted me to focus on the economy, solutions, what’s new out there (not much unfortunately though there is a greater awareness) . . . I could have done that. I could have revived my old thing with new energy. It’s what people seemed to want from me, or expect? But I had moved beyond that and knew my work now is at a different vibe. Things are so dire, the solutions are heart-based, spirit led . . .
I sense, now that we are elders, our “leadership” is meant to be different. Bringing people in. Holding space for heart healing, for laughter, for sharing in circles, sharing stories, being very personal with all this. Vulnerable. It’s time, finally, for me anyway, to explore and honor my sensuality - not in any sexual context, though that could be a part of it of course. We are all sensual beings. It is time to embrace that. To smell and taste and revel in beauty, experience joy, and grace. And share it. How it feels, how it changes us. To love, to be active participants with Life, to hold space for those in pain.
About 4 years ago, after I had moved to NY, I got a message from the Grandmothers: “It is time to take your place among us.” I knew immediately what it meant, and I have been working with the “grandmothers” ever since. In the evenings, I sit outside whenever possible, and I join them with my heart and spirit, and the relationship has evolved into one of mutual trust and love and support. Yet I am just a neophyte, despite being a 72 year old grandmother. This is not something I have read about or studied. I have to be honest about that. This is my personal practice. And it is far from the days when I wrote and spoke about Gaian Economics or corporate destruction or any of my old topics . . . except for Earth being alive, and the need to bring the voices of All Species into our deliberations. And now I would include the voices of our ancestors, and the Grandmothers. We (whether you are an actual grandmother or not) are their counterparts here in the living dimension. We can be their voices. And so this is where I’m at now. It’s nebulous and I grasp for words at times because I’m a translator and a bridge (which I’ve always known).
I’m glad you are questioning, embracing, and walking through these later years with such grace and humor. It’s so important. Perhaps the most important . . .
Our stories mirror in so many ways. so many ways. But with some twists. I never had children, and my mothering energy has been put into projects, one after another. Love given and met with gratitude, but not by intimacy and mutuality. I think this is why my home on whidbey is so important to me. I've rooted in this place and even though people come and go, there's a continuity and I am part of it. Yet there are longings, threads to the past and to relationships that mean a lot to me, even though most don't know how important they are. I'm trying to fill that center of intimacy, with myself and with friends, to the brim now. One could think that resided in one other person, and maybe that will still come, and maybe if it does I'll want to worm out (!) rather than sink in, I don't know. But where do I belong? Who are my people? How can I serve in love now? It is courageous to keep these questions alive, no matter the context. It seems you have been met at times, and not met others. Given challenges that lifted you, and those that confused you. It makes me think of these patterns in my own life. I have heard several times "it's time to join the grandmothers". It feels I still have choppy waters of life-making to go before I settle into that listening on the porch. We are sisters in these inklings and histories and questions and so glad to have found you through this medium
When I got "join the grandmothers" it wasn't in the context of sitting on the porch. It was in the context of participating with, expanding upon, and bringing into the world the messages I am given, the wisdom gained - and also being honest with myself and others about what I have yet to learn and grow into. I sense "the grandmothers" as almost an entity in and of themselves, overlighting, surrounding Earth, all of us, in a heartfelt loving embrace that is also no-nonsense, sometimes even harsh - though not judgmental. My listening on the porch is pretty much my version of meditating. It's a quiet as I can get, and it often takes me places outside of myself. I often find myself in tears over the love and the grief of it all. Entertwined, never separate. I'm always struggling to find words to express this process . . .
you evoke accepting this time in life, allowing that elder energy to grow in me like a new being growing within your body. so evocative. I am writing now about where the full-bodied self of the middle years encounters the elder self arriving, allows the molting, the shedding, trusting what is coming, yet not knowing what comes next. This strange question arising ... who is entering my body, knocking at the door, waiting to live through me. trusting. and stopping long enough to let the stories arrive at my door, to greet them with kindness even though they hurt or they were not what i thought. even though I need to forgive every thing and been as they arrive for folly, for missed opportunities, for the fears that closed my mind and mouth. this is such big beautiful work, this aging into eldering. It is alchemical, this distilling
I feel the change from being driven, to just being with all there is. I no longer have the hubris of youth or the illusion of hope , yet everyday there are joys and treats to enjoy. I am not one for parties and preferring the quiet or the pleasure of time with beloved friends and family. I think of change in the long term, certainly not in my life time. But I do believe all acts of kindness count as the old system falters and the new is emerging.
I feel a peace in reading this. As I said above to Susan, I've "family-ied" in communities. Whatever I do, I seek companionship. It feels like I am designed for this. And yes, kindness, and a bit of mischief in the face of old systems faltering is leaven for this time.
I am here for the companionship of kindred spirit and to answer how do I serve in love now ?
I am also glad to have met with you, as this is my sort of party 🎉
Mischief, rebellion, peace, joy, love , disobedience, howling , laughing , crying and dancing all have their part to play in our remaining time on this beautiful planet.
As I age I am less concerned with striving and (over)doing. I am more interested in being, presence in the moment, and relationship with myself and others.
When I left Vermont for Maine in 1997, leaving my work in Gaian/Earth-based economics behind (to live with my disabled sister after our father had a stroke), I had no clue what would be next. I did know it would be very different. At first I tried to do the same thing as in Vermont - tried to get a “group” going, I could see so much we could do. And after all, I grew up there (in No. Conway, NH, just over the state line from where I my sister lived in Maine). But organizing in that part of ME/NH was not the same as in Montpelier, VT where I had an organization and lots of colleagues . . . Each group waned, summer arrived and everyone was too busy, and one time a woman I called the “rabid vegan” simply would not tolerate any discussion unless it focused on her particular “ONE” solution. There was no polite way to deal with this, nothing that worked in my past experience worked. I did have a regular column in the local paper (The Conway Daily Sun) for many years. I had some fans, and some who were vocally not my fans. 😄
In due time the garden grew and thrived and taught me how to listen in a deeper way than before. All the beings in my garden became my social network in a way. I published a journal for 9 years (Gaian Voices), and in each issue there was an interview with someone I had worked with, or wanted to chat with. When I look back at the work I did in Vermont - the books, newsletters, research projects, and that journal - it’s amazing to me how relevant it all still is. I mean we haven’t progressed nearly far enough, IMO. Certainly not the progress I had expected, or hoped. Then my oldest son died, which shook my world to the core. I swear it changed my DNA. In fact, I know it did. Moving through those first 2-3 years was hard. Very hard. But I did, and I had a brief return to the old activist me when Nestle came to town with the idea of building a water bottling plant there. We defeated it, and then . . . whoosh . . . it was time to sell the house and move to NY where my boys and grandkids are.
I assumed I would be happy being a grandma. Shortly Covid arrived. And I realized that no way was I ready to let go of somehow having a voice in the world. What I knew, however, was that I did not want to focus on economics. I wanted to find a way of integrating my herbal/plant/perfuming into something worth sharing (beyond the actual perfumes I create). The energy of them, the healing gifts of the ingredients (I only work with naturals, including some ingredients I make myself), how our senses have been “dumbed down”, purposefully, over the centuries . . . and I could go on about that but won’t here.
Strangely, at that time, reaching out to old colleagues, coming back into contact with them, putting my stuff out there more, like you (but on a much smaller scale as your work was BIG 😍) people wanted me to focus on the economy, solutions, what’s new out there (not much unfortunately though there is a greater awareness) . . . I could have done that. I could have revived my old thing with new energy. It’s what people seemed to want from me, or expect? But I had moved beyond that and knew my work now is at a different vibe. Things are so dire, the solutions are heart-based, spirit led . . .
I sense, now that we are elders, our “leadership” is meant to be different. Bringing people in. Holding space for heart healing, for laughter, for sharing in circles, sharing stories, being very personal with all this. Vulnerable. It’s time, finally, for me anyway, to explore and honor my sensuality - not in any sexual context, though that could be a part of it of course. We are all sensual beings. It is time to embrace that. To smell and taste and revel in beauty, experience joy, and grace. And share it. How it feels, how it changes us. To love, to be active participants with Life, to hold space for those in pain.
About 4 years ago, after I had moved to NY, I got a message from the Grandmothers: “It is time to take your place among us.” I knew immediately what it meant, and I have been working with the “grandmothers” ever since. In the evenings, I sit outside whenever possible, and I join them with my heart and spirit, and the relationship has evolved into one of mutual trust and love and support. Yet I am just a neophyte, despite being a 72 year old grandmother. This is not something I have read about or studied. I have to be honest about that. This is my personal practice. And it is far from the days when I wrote and spoke about Gaian Economics or corporate destruction or any of my old topics . . . except for Earth being alive, and the need to bring the voices of All Species into our deliberations. And now I would include the voices of our ancestors, and the Grandmothers. We (whether you are an actual grandmother or not) are their counterparts here in the living dimension. We can be their voices. And so this is where I’m at now. It’s nebulous and I grasp for words at times because I’m a translator and a bridge (which I’ve always known).
I’m glad you are questioning, embracing, and walking through these later years with such grace and humor. It’s so important. Perhaps the most important . . .
Our stories mirror in so many ways. so many ways. But with some twists. I never had children, and my mothering energy has been put into projects, one after another. Love given and met with gratitude, but not by intimacy and mutuality. I think this is why my home on whidbey is so important to me. I've rooted in this place and even though people come and go, there's a continuity and I am part of it. Yet there are longings, threads to the past and to relationships that mean a lot to me, even though most don't know how important they are. I'm trying to fill that center of intimacy, with myself and with friends, to the brim now. One could think that resided in one other person, and maybe that will still come, and maybe if it does I'll want to worm out (!) rather than sink in, I don't know. But where do I belong? Who are my people? How can I serve in love now? It is courageous to keep these questions alive, no matter the context. It seems you have been met at times, and not met others. Given challenges that lifted you, and those that confused you. It makes me think of these patterns in my own life. I have heard several times "it's time to join the grandmothers". It feels I still have choppy waters of life-making to go before I settle into that listening on the porch. We are sisters in these inklings and histories and questions and so glad to have found you through this medium
When I got "join the grandmothers" it wasn't in the context of sitting on the porch. It was in the context of participating with, expanding upon, and bringing into the world the messages I am given, the wisdom gained - and also being honest with myself and others about what I have yet to learn and grow into. I sense "the grandmothers" as almost an entity in and of themselves, overlighting, surrounding Earth, all of us, in a heartfelt loving embrace that is also no-nonsense, sometimes even harsh - though not judgmental. My listening on the porch is pretty much my version of meditating. It's a quiet as I can get, and it often takes me places outside of myself. I often find myself in tears over the love and the grief of it all. Entertwined, never separate. I'm always struggling to find words to express this process . . .
you evoke accepting this time in life, allowing that elder energy to grow in me like a new being growing within your body. so evocative. I am writing now about where the full-bodied self of the middle years encounters the elder self arriving, allows the molting, the shedding, trusting what is coming, yet not knowing what comes next. This strange question arising ... who is entering my body, knocking at the door, waiting to live through me. trusting. and stopping long enough to let the stories arrive at my door, to greet them with kindness even though they hurt or they were not what i thought. even though I need to forgive every thing and been as they arrive for folly, for missed opportunities, for the fears that closed my mind and mouth. this is such big beautiful work, this aging into eldering. It is alchemical, this distilling
I feel the change from being driven, to just being with all there is. I no longer have the hubris of youth or the illusion of hope , yet everyday there are joys and treats to enjoy. I am not one for parties and preferring the quiet or the pleasure of time with beloved friends and family. I think of change in the long term, certainly not in my life time. But I do believe all acts of kindness count as the old system falters and the new is emerging.
I feel a peace in reading this. As I said above to Susan, I've "family-ied" in communities. Whatever I do, I seek companionship. It feels like I am designed for this. And yes, kindness, and a bit of mischief in the face of old systems faltering is leaven for this time.
I am here for the companionship of kindred spirit and to answer how do I serve in love now ?
I am also glad to have met with you, as this is my sort of party 🎉
Mischief, rebellion, peace, joy, love , disobedience, howling , laughing , crying and dancing all have their part to play in our remaining time on this beautiful planet.