These are such important questions.. and everything that has happened to you to this point has put you in the place where you can begin to start to get some answers! Just remember, there’s no right or wrong way to do aging… There’s only your way.
As someone in the foothills of aging (60) I too am already dealing with 'old' programming that no longer suits me, but with which my ego is still comfortable... I have a big foreign trip coming up and I notice that medication and supportive/comfortable footwear are way higher on my list than they've ever been before. And as for my long-term thinking, like you, I believe in creating community, but even then, with the unknown knowns of the aging process, let alone aging in a time of collapse, what plot twists do we need to allow for?! My old stories need rewriting and part of the challenge is this: who will I be in the new story? And do I want to be her?
You don't ask small questions Jody! I'm now just one foot in front of another on this path, bumping into things, naming them, digging for truth, writing as a way of turning dross into gold, taking another step. But with the world on the brink of the hegemon falling into techno, christo, unstable, dictatorial hands, what then? How do we muster the energy and guts to meet such challenges in our handrail years? Big spiritual work and definitely sobriety with regards to all of our addictions, including to control!
On a totally practical tack--sign up for SAIL. It's a Zoom class, free, sponsored by the island's EMTs, who want to avoid fetching us in ambulances when we nosedive. An hour each session, much of it about balance, movement, not falling. Also cardio, and stretching.
ALSO don't move around the house with your hands full. I have two heavy-duty clear plastic bags with strong cloth handles. Whatever has to go somewhere else in the house is in the bag so I always have my hands free.
Another excellent post! Born in 1963, many of these musings still feel a bit 'off in the future' (though extremely resonant for my 88 y/o mother who has had two falls in the last year; one of them very serious: broke wrist and shoulder on opposite arms...she hasn't started driving again and we're starting to have the very difficult conversation about whether it's wise for her to take up driving again even when she's 'able'. Very hard conversations...).
Personally I especially related to these lines: "I need some attitude adjustments. Where am I being rigid? Ideological? Identified with a prior self?" Now, in my early 60's I feel really gripped with this question of what the remaining time on this planet is for and how much of my old personality/identity/skills should I bring forward and which needed to be dropped or redefined. Thank you Vicki.
I’m so sorry you fell, Vicki, and glad you didn’t break anything. Your post resonates with us all. My husband was the one who could “fix, build, design, cobble, make do, and Macgyver.” So the price of my freedom to stay in my home is hiring help. When I can no longer afford this “mortgage”, it’s time for a change. I, too, had the microwave who threatened to explode and the grandson to install the new one. I’m still 6 ceiling light bulbs short just waiting for the miracle to happen. I clear my paths, turn on lights before I walk, cross my fingers, watch my toes, and say a prayer before walking but that didn’t stop me from breaking two toes while holding onto a chair. And yet it’s a sweet time In my life and I’m grateful to be living
I'm very sorry about your fall, Vicki! Thank you for turning it into the reflections and this thought-provoking and useful post. Having cared for my husband through his death from brain cancer, and my mother through her death that same year, I am acutely aware of clutter and fall risks and my own phobias about not wanting to outlive my resources. I like living alone; I have no interest in sharing my space (bless you for creating community and also income with yours!). The questions I've been considering are what defines a good life for me, and what will I do when I no longer feel like I am living that. They're as much spiritual as financial, in the sense that I am occupying space and consuming resources on this planet that someone else could use; how will I know when I am no longer contributing in a useful way and it's time to step aside? And what will I do to achieve that stepping aside? I don't know the answers yet, but those are the questions that I think about more and more. May your questions lead you to fruitful and creative solutions that work for you! Blessings.
Provocative, Vicki, thank you. The stuff on falling is well said -- I hate it when my osteoporosis doctor puts me on drugs to limit the risk of broken bones if I fall. I tried to tell him, "Wouldn't it be better if I learned not to fall?" That was not in his protocol.
But at the end of the post, you speak of money, and that would be worthy of a long post from your brilliant mind. The question of "How much is enough?" is linked to "How long do I plan to live?" and "How healthy will I be?" -- and who has the answers for those? My parents were financially conservative, and my dad socked away money so his wife, ten years his junior, could continue to live modestly after he passed. But as she moved into her eighties, her financial planner started to say things like, "You can afford to live to 91." which is a gross thing to have to say to someone who has no control of her income or her health. She had a stroke, lived in bed for two years, and just about outlasted her assets. So please enlighten us, Vicki, how do we know how much is enough—and how to live so we can enjoy our older age--for as long as it carries us.
"for several days after the fall, my balance was off, adding to the spiriling fear of spiraling downward. I caught this psychological fall quickly, and righted myself, but how long will I be upright? "
A year ago, I took a fall and fractured my pelvis in 3 places. Spent 2 weeks in a rehab hospital, where they helped me through PT to walk again. Falling again is one of my biggest fears.
Recently my sis-in-love told me Medicare will pay for PT for balance issues. I spoke to my primary care physician, who wrote a referral for me for PT, and now I'm in sessions doing exercises to increase my ability to balance.
At the Medicare annual wellness "meeting" (because it's not really an exam any more), they asked if I'd fallen in the last year. Answer: YES. I also mentioned being a bit unsteady and sometimes wobbly. Check it out with your doctors.
Vicki, you ask the same questions I and others who are aging alone are asking, especially when we stumble or fall or find ourselves up against something we can't handle. Thank you so much for sharing this.
I didn't mean to comment twice on the same post but as an internal medicine and lifestyle medicine physician interested in prevention, I think this post is excellent. Not to be a downer, but here is a little information on falls and prevention.
Falls really increase as we age. over the age of 75, nearly 80% of preventible deaths are related to falls.
Some facts about falls from the CDC:
One out of five falls causes a serious injury such as broken bones or a head injury.
Each year, 3 million older people are treated in emergency departments for fall injuries.
Over 800,000 patients a year are hospitalized because of a fall injury, most often because of a head injury or hip fracture.
Each year at least 300,000 older people are hospitalized for hip fractures.
More than 95% of hip fractures are caused by falling, usually by falling sideways.
Falls are the most common cause of traumatic brain injuries (TBI).
In 2015, the total medical costs for falls totaled more than $50 billion. Medicare and Medicaid shouldered 75% of these costs.
One of the best ways to reduce falls, I believe, is to practice balance exercises. In fact, standing on one leg for 5 seconds or more is a strong predictor of decreased fall risk. One way to improve balance is to perform exercises such as Tai Chi. In fact, in one large study called the FICSIT,Tai Chi was found to reduce the risk of multiple falls by 47.5%.
Just some little information I hope others on this thread find useful...
David, might you share this post with the people you serve, to help with their sober, honest and yet light-hearted adaptations to aging. I appreciate the statistics and accept that I am one just be being alive. SWF cat lady for one. Yet stories humanize such numbers and the fear based actions people take. I don't mean grab bars are fear based. Not at all. But every moment of my own coming of aging has been a chance for self knowledge and to become more of a mensch.
I definitely will! I hope my “deathly” medical concerns don’t dampen your human story which emphasizes that we are all part of this crazy dance called life…we all need each other! (Still, I am glad you are doing well and still dancing!)
Ha. I put a grab bar in the hall when my father was living with us a few years ago. And now I hold onto it when I have to go to pee in the middle of the night!
While I'm a little younger, I've my own Greek chorus AND inner critic poking at me a) as a live-in caregiver and b) trying to future-proof my own needs.
We had grabrails already from caring for my Dad. Still, we'd removed toilet risers only to reposition them recently....there are many things in these cycles of life I'm hyperaware and fearful of. As a close friend is very ill right now, these anticipatory grief-wounds feel raw - darn that greek chorus rubbing salt in them.
SO, I'm reconciling with priming what I can (hospital go bag repacked, reviewing my own health insurance - just in case) - to feel like I've SOME sort of control...in tandem with cultivating connections and relationships that can grow with these evolving changes - mentoring younger people helps my grey cells AND my tech knowledge, getting closer with neighbours is reassuring!!
These are such important questions.. and everything that has happened to you to this point has put you in the place where you can begin to start to get some answers! Just remember, there’s no right or wrong way to do aging… There’s only your way.
As someone in the foothills of aging (60) I too am already dealing with 'old' programming that no longer suits me, but with which my ego is still comfortable... I have a big foreign trip coming up and I notice that medication and supportive/comfortable footwear are way higher on my list than they've ever been before. And as for my long-term thinking, like you, I believe in creating community, but even then, with the unknown knowns of the aging process, let alone aging in a time of collapse, what plot twists do we need to allow for?! My old stories need rewriting and part of the challenge is this: who will I be in the new story? And do I want to be her?
You don't ask small questions Jody! I'm now just one foot in front of another on this path, bumping into things, naming them, digging for truth, writing as a way of turning dross into gold, taking another step. But with the world on the brink of the hegemon falling into techno, christo, unstable, dictatorial hands, what then? How do we muster the energy and guts to meet such challenges in our handrail years? Big spiritual work and definitely sobriety with regards to all of our addictions, including to control!
On a totally practical tack--sign up for SAIL. It's a Zoom class, free, sponsored by the island's EMTs, who want to avoid fetching us in ambulances when we nosedive. An hour each session, much of it about balance, movement, not falling. Also cardio, and stretching.
ALSO don't move around the house with your hands full. I have two heavy-duty clear plastic bags with strong cloth handles. Whatever has to go somewhere else in the house is in the bag so I always have my hands free.
Another excellent post! Born in 1963, many of these musings still feel a bit 'off in the future' (though extremely resonant for my 88 y/o mother who has had two falls in the last year; one of them very serious: broke wrist and shoulder on opposite arms...she hasn't started driving again and we're starting to have the very difficult conversation about whether it's wise for her to take up driving again even when she's 'able'. Very hard conversations...).
Personally I especially related to these lines: "I need some attitude adjustments. Where am I being rigid? Ideological? Identified with a prior self?" Now, in my early 60's I feel really gripped with this question of what the remaining time on this planet is for and how much of my old personality/identity/skills should I bring forward and which needed to be dropped or redefined. Thank you Vicki.
I’m so sorry you fell, Vicki, and glad you didn’t break anything. Your post resonates with us all. My husband was the one who could “fix, build, design, cobble, make do, and Macgyver.” So the price of my freedom to stay in my home is hiring help. When I can no longer afford this “mortgage”, it’s time for a change. I, too, had the microwave who threatened to explode and the grandson to install the new one. I’m still 6 ceiling light bulbs short just waiting for the miracle to happen. I clear my paths, turn on lights before I walk, cross my fingers, watch my toes, and say a prayer before walking but that didn’t stop me from breaking two toes while holding onto a chair. And yet it’s a sweet time In my life and I’m grateful to be living
I'm very sorry about your fall, Vicki! Thank you for turning it into the reflections and this thought-provoking and useful post. Having cared for my husband through his death from brain cancer, and my mother through her death that same year, I am acutely aware of clutter and fall risks and my own phobias about not wanting to outlive my resources. I like living alone; I have no interest in sharing my space (bless you for creating community and also income with yours!). The questions I've been considering are what defines a good life for me, and what will I do when I no longer feel like I am living that. They're as much spiritual as financial, in the sense that I am occupying space and consuming resources on this planet that someone else could use; how will I know when I am no longer contributing in a useful way and it's time to step aside? And what will I do to achieve that stepping aside? I don't know the answers yet, but those are the questions that I think about more and more. May your questions lead you to fruitful and creative solutions that work for you! Blessings.
Provocative, Vicki, thank you. The stuff on falling is well said -- I hate it when my osteoporosis doctor puts me on drugs to limit the risk of broken bones if I fall. I tried to tell him, "Wouldn't it be better if I learned not to fall?" That was not in his protocol.
But at the end of the post, you speak of money, and that would be worthy of a long post from your brilliant mind. The question of "How much is enough?" is linked to "How long do I plan to live?" and "How healthy will I be?" -- and who has the answers for those? My parents were financially conservative, and my dad socked away money so his wife, ten years his junior, could continue to live modestly after he passed. But as she moved into her eighties, her financial planner started to say things like, "You can afford to live to 91." which is a gross thing to have to say to someone who has no control of her income or her health. She had a stroke, lived in bed for two years, and just about outlasted her assets. So please enlighten us, Vicki, how do we know how much is enough—and how to live so we can enjoy our older age--for as long as it carries us.
And Happy New Year to you and your readers!
I have "stumbled into" a profound and universal set of questions. glad to ponder them for myself and whoever else gets value from the inquiry.
"for several days after the fall, my balance was off, adding to the spiriling fear of spiraling downward. I caught this psychological fall quickly, and righted myself, but how long will I be upright? "
A year ago, I took a fall and fractured my pelvis in 3 places. Spent 2 weeks in a rehab hospital, where they helped me through PT to walk again. Falling again is one of my biggest fears.
Recently my sis-in-love told me Medicare will pay for PT for balance issues. I spoke to my primary care physician, who wrote a referral for me for PT, and now I'm in sessions doing exercises to increase my ability to balance.
At the Medicare annual wellness "meeting" (because it's not really an exam any more), they asked if I'd fallen in the last year. Answer: YES. I also mentioned being a bit unsteady and sometimes wobbly. Check it out with your doctors.
May we all stay upright! xoAnnis
Vicki, you ask the same questions I and others who are aging alone are asking, especially when we stumble or fall or find ourselves up against something we can't handle. Thank you so much for sharing this.
I didn't mean to comment twice on the same post but as an internal medicine and lifestyle medicine physician interested in prevention, I think this post is excellent. Not to be a downer, but here is a little information on falls and prevention.
Falls really increase as we age. over the age of 75, nearly 80% of preventible deaths are related to falls.
Some facts about falls from the CDC:
One out of five falls causes a serious injury such as broken bones or a head injury.
Each year, 3 million older people are treated in emergency departments for fall injuries.
Over 800,000 patients a year are hospitalized because of a fall injury, most often because of a head injury or hip fracture.
Each year at least 300,000 older people are hospitalized for hip fractures.
More than 95% of hip fractures are caused by falling, usually by falling sideways.
Falls are the most common cause of traumatic brain injuries (TBI).
In 2015, the total medical costs for falls totaled more than $50 billion. Medicare and Medicaid shouldered 75% of these costs.
One of the best ways to reduce falls, I believe, is to practice balance exercises. In fact, standing on one leg for 5 seconds or more is a strong predictor of decreased fall risk. One way to improve balance is to perform exercises such as Tai Chi. In fact, in one large study called the FICSIT,Tai Chi was found to reduce the risk of multiple falls by 47.5%.
Just some little information I hope others on this thread find useful...
David, might you share this post with the people you serve, to help with their sober, honest and yet light-hearted adaptations to aging. I appreciate the statistics and accept that I am one just be being alive. SWF cat lady for one. Yet stories humanize such numbers and the fear based actions people take. I don't mean grab bars are fear based. Not at all. But every moment of my own coming of aging has been a chance for self knowledge and to become more of a mensch.
I definitely will! I hope my “deathly” medical concerns don’t dampen your human story which emphasizes that we are all part of this crazy dance called life…we all need each other! (Still, I am glad you are doing well and still dancing!)
Ha. I put a grab bar in the hall when my father was living with us a few years ago. And now I hold onto it when I have to go to pee in the middle of the night!
While I'm a little younger, I've my own Greek chorus AND inner critic poking at me a) as a live-in caregiver and b) trying to future-proof my own needs.
We had grabrails already from caring for my Dad. Still, we'd removed toilet risers only to reposition them recently....there are many things in these cycles of life I'm hyperaware and fearful of. As a close friend is very ill right now, these anticipatory grief-wounds feel raw - darn that greek chorus rubbing salt in them.
SO, I'm reconciling with priming what I can (hospital go bag repacked, reviewing my own health insurance - just in case) - to feel like I've SOME sort of control...in tandem with cultivating connections and relationships that can grow with these evolving changes - mentoring younger people helps my grey cells AND my tech knowledge, getting closer with neighbours is reassuring!!
To that end, I thought I'd try and find a useful link for if/when those mugs get broken —OR if you want some matching plates ;-) https://vintagevtg.com/products/vintage-paris-tray-and-cups xoxo
Thank you so much for all of this. Including the platters which in fact I stumbled on in the same thrift store as the cup, and bought both of them.
The shifting in life doesn’t seem to stop with old age. I appreciate the self-authored narrative that is beyond the (stereo)typical.
Grab bars are an interesting metaphor for our remaining upright in doddering times. Splendid
This is great!