“Coming of Aging” is live! So are we.
Welcome. I’m so glad you’ve joined me here.
Coming of aging, like coming of age, explores those times in our lives when - with shock, confusion, curiosity - we realize we are beings in time. Puberty, meno-(and mano) pause, mid-life crisis, retirement have been hashed over, but aging as a fascinating and fearful stage in any life is quite mysterious.
What comes to mind? Decline. Disability. Dementia.Unwelcome aloneness. Sagging everything. Invisibility. Wills. Maybe warehoused. A litany of things you can’t do anymore. Death.
Or maybe “the best is yet to be.” Travel. Grandkids. Hobbies. A condo with less responsibility.
Maybe to all of it, yet there is a grace as well. Yes, we will die, yet from now to then, what a beautiful time for the soul.
I am here to tell funny, serious, painful, glorious, and deeply personal stories about my life. I want to join the ranks of soulful women who weave personal struggles with the big themes of our times. Who one day write poetry, another Moth-like stories or personal essays, sometimes funny and sometimes dead serious.
I’ve spent decades telling millions of people what I think. I now want to share how it’s felt to live this life, what I’ve learned, what is underneath my, or anyone’s, curated shiny selves. You may know me from Your Money or Your Life or the Conversation Cafes or my podcast, What Could Possibly Go Right? I’ve linked those so you can explore them, but here, it’s personal.
It’s taken a while to take off the mask donned in service to my activism and social innovations, to reveal the not so rational or linear person under the Doña Quixote world changer. I do this simply because I prefer being around people who are real, vulnerable, questioning, honest, not finished, still learning. I suspect this humble companionship on the road of life may be more interesting to others.
I felt comfortable doing this on Facebook. I liked the disappearing ink of it, my posts melting off my screen. I liked the conviviality of it. during a September 2023 trip “back East”, I wrote almost daily – and loved sharing my stories, the ones about reconciling with my past and the ones about the mishaps of the road and delightful visits. Along the way, the stories deepened, with reflections on buried traumas, mistakes made, mentors who saved me, who I’ve always been no matter what, aging, the tracks I’ve left in others’ lives (for better or worse), the seasons of a woman’s life, and intimations of what’s ahead in this world. In the comments, people told their own stories on similar themes. The posts became prompts for others’ stories, and, ultimately, I could hear our stories, all of us humans navigating the uncharted territory of life.
During the pandemic, I had time – and willingness - to wonder about life, time, aging, family and what in the world was going on. I had time to host a podcast, What Could Possibly Go Right?, speaking with nearly a hundred diverse thinkers and activists – what I called cultural scouts - about what might come together as our world comes apart. Alone in my house, I was part of our collective effort to discover where truth lies (an oxymoron, get it).
I also went in 74 going on 60. I came out 78 going on 80. This got my full attention. Coming of Aging is, in part, the lived experience of aging, not the commercialized sunset years - with anti-aging creams, and insurance policies, and avoiding the gauntlet of indignities that we fear. It’s soul work. I’m still finding my honest way through the inner life of aging. What they say this isn’t for sissies, it’s not about the body.
Western civilization is also “coming of aging” after a 500-year run. In the before times for our societies, it seemed we could tackle one issue at a time. We couldn’t, but it seemed that way. Then we were slammed with January 6, fires, floods, the rise of the radical right, the pandemic, and, and, and… As I realized I’d entered the final phase of my own life, and started to work through the very sober tasks of reconciling with my past, other people, my limitations, and death, I could see how our country is also at the end of a long story with many skeletons in many closets. Will we do the work of reconciliation, amends, reparations, maturing?
Coming of Aging is reconciling with the passage of time, and with the knowledge that you are living in something that will eventually die. It’s big work, and we can go it alone, or do it together.
Everyone is coming of aging. With every turn of a decade most of us feel the weight of the passage of time. OMG, I’m 30. I’m 40. I’m 50. I’m 64 – what the Beatles said was old. I’ll turn 80 soon. 80! Society has markers for these decades, but these have nothing to do with our lived experience. I have no idea how my 80s will go.
I’ve lost interest in talking at you or anyone about what you/we are doing or should do. I leave that to others. I’m interested in speaking with you honestly about this leaky canoe (as an Indigenous elder called it) we’re in, our experience of paddling, our call and response to give us courage and heal our wounds. I want to reinforce the sense that we are not alone and all of us are scouts, reporting back from our posts. I long to make sense of “it all” with you. I’ll send out calls through my writing. The real deal will be what you call back.
Since September 2023 I’ve defaulted to sharing stories on Facebook. The real pleasure has been hearing other’s stories on the topics I raised. As you know, Facebook is an enticing bamboozle – disappearing your writing within a day, full of distractions to keep you scrolling rather than thinking.
I want to give you, rather than Facebook, my best writing. I want to be a community of inquiry with you, serving up personal essays, poems and sometimes rants to seed conversations among us. I can’t do this part of my life alone. I don’t think anyone can, hard as we try to be separate individuals.
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