What is your biggest fear about aging?

I'll tell you mine

My worst. Dementia. Both for me, whose mind is my playground, and for those around me who may be lovingly stuck with me for years.

So the conversation about cognitive decline in the two candidates for President is legitimate. I’m not arguing this political issue. My intentions is to look at our inner experience of growing older. And older.

Internalized ageism is part of it. We are walking right into the swarm of stinging judgements we had about older people.

Because of my fear, I am in denial. Someone recently said I was still sharp as a tack and I bristled. I’m sharp, period. End of story. I take undue pride in my genetic propensity for longevity and my mother’s good looks.

Are we in denial about Biden’s decline (don’t hit me) as we are about our own. If we accept that he’s losing acuity, does it break our own wall of denial about ourselves.

When we are in denial, we foist managing this onto our family and friends, who, if they know what’s good for them, will turn a blind eye, not tell us the truth until we crash the car. Is that what’s happening with the people around Biden?

A friend told me a few years ago that I was losing my hearing. “No, you are losing your voice, I’m fine” I said. But I did get my hearing tested and lo and behold, a particular range is declining. Under protest I got hearing aids. I hate wearing them so I don’t. Scold me if you like, but they fight with my glasses and hair and my life goes in small intimate circles so it doesn’t matter.

Last weekend I was in a 3 day seminar in a hotel conference center with lousy acoustics. I often could not discern what the leader was saying. I flapped my ears. I sat in the front row. I could feel that resignation they describe about keeping up. I could see how it could lead to social isolation. I also struggled to drive to my AirBnB at the end of the day. Yes, unfamiliar territory but I had to admit that driving at night is not as good as it used to be.

Psychologically reckoning with aging, and going through the rough emotions, and accepting what’s happening, i.e. coming of aging, is hard. Are we defending Biden because we don’t want to see cognitive decline in ourselves?

Just asking. It’s not disrespectful to bring it up, to notice the elephant.

Here’s a list of what we say about people who aren’t fully with it. Who wants to be labeled that. Certainly not the 2 old white guys battling for the most powerful seat at any table.

• Not the sharpest tool in the tool shed

• Not the brightest light in the harbour

• The light’s on, but no one’s home

• A few screws short of a hardware store

• A few cards short of a deck

• A few fries short of a Happy Meal

• About as sharp as a marble

• Smart as a bag of rocks

• The elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top floor

• A few keys short of a keyboard

• A room temperature IQ

• Depriving some village of its idiot

• All foam, no beer

I’m publishing this quickly because it’s pressing on my mind. I am interested in your personal stories about being forgetful, not hearing or seeing as well as you did, and how you are alchemising despair and denial into gold.