Weirdly I had a pang moment recently similar but different about my siblings. But it was started due to finding out I can’t have children, which I write about here.
I hadn’t lost touch with them but with lots of family dynamic changes I could feel the time getting longer and the distance growing bigger (I also live abroad).
I’m now making a big effort to be more present with them 💚
I love this story. I relate to being a child from a loveless marriage, having a father who killed himself, and making a big mistake. My big mistake was breaking up with my college boyfriend to keep my Mom happy. I did not see my Mom’s narcissistic traits until decades later. I don’t think she likes anyone who takes my attention away from her. He would not be allowed to come in the house, so what choice did I have? He contacted me when I returned to college, but I built a solid fortress around myself.
I remembered this traumatic incident a couple of years ago and have made several attempts to contact him and apologize. All of my attempts have been rebuffed, so it is up to God if we will cross paths again.
Oh thank you, Robin! I am so heart-warmed by your telling of this reunion and I send big bear hugs to you and your brother. I wish I could find a thread to connect to my brother
Heartfelt words with the ring of truth and the beauty of forgiveness. Thank you for sharing this with us. I was a hippie kid of a traveling mother and my two not much older brothers have somewhat different recollections which we are close enough to share. A gift.
It’s never too late to love, until you’re dead. And learning that you are loved, and always have been, a gorgeous gift for your 4th Quarter. The phase of life I call ´harvesting’ - as you are, beautifully. To tears!
What an incredibly beautiful story of reconciliation. You have to wonder if you would have reached out if you hadn't experienced that depression? Sometimes, I think, the universe pushes us in ways we would never have imagined (or chosen)to do that things that will ultimately heal us.🩵
When I was four years old, my parents divorced. My mother took me and moved to Colorado, leaving my brother and my sister behind. For the next few years, my siblings, ten years plus older than I was, made attempts to be in touch and be a part of my life. But then, they went to college, started families of their own and I was still far away from them. Over decades we visited every few years, but going six or seven years without seeing each other, wasn't at all unusual. I grieved the loss of them my entire life and their deaths in the past two years made me grieve them more.
Your essay underscores the binding of blood and heart and I find it tender and beautiful that you were able to mend things with your brother in a way that he has your back. Reclamation and forgiveness are a powerful force. As younger beings we don't always recognize the shattering that's in front of us -- suicide, divorce, addiction -- there's a list of things that can make that clay pot holding family, shatter. And sometimes it takes a lifetime to gather the pieces back to us and to reclaim our wholeness.
You are a good a courageous woman and I admire and am inspired by your re-weaving story. May you and your brother continue to know love and goodwill.
As the unmothered daughter of a bi-polar mother (and she in her turn the same), and being both childless and siblingless in the world, I feel your pain. It takes huge courage and humility to seek a reconciliation, and I shed a tear at how your brother recieved you after all these years. I'm so sorry for the loss of your father to suicide, and the long shadowy tentacles that has left in your whole family's life. Sending love, Jody x
A beautiful, vulnerable piece of writing. And reaching out to your brother, as well as sharing your story with the world are very brave acts on your part. Thank you. May you continue to heal whatever you think needs healing. And we'll all just walk each other home.
Oh wow what a beautiful end.
Weirdly I had a pang moment recently similar but different about my siblings. But it was started due to finding out I can’t have children, which I write about here.
I hadn’t lost touch with them but with lots of family dynamic changes I could feel the time getting longer and the distance growing bigger (I also live abroad).
I’m now making a big effort to be more present with them 💚
I love this story. I relate to being a child from a loveless marriage, having a father who killed himself, and making a big mistake. My big mistake was breaking up with my college boyfriend to keep my Mom happy. I did not see my Mom’s narcissistic traits until decades later. I don’t think she likes anyone who takes my attention away from her. He would not be allowed to come in the house, so what choice did I have? He contacted me when I returned to college, but I built a solid fortress around myself.
I remembered this traumatic incident a couple of years ago and have made several attempts to contact him and apologize. All of my attempts have been rebuffed, so it is up to God if we will cross paths again.
Good for you, Vicki! So glad you reconnected and felt the love that was always waiting for you.
Just...wow. The all of it. Most of all the stubborn hope that those we've forgotten haven't forgotten us....
Oh thank you, Robin! I am so heart-warmed by your telling of this reunion and I send big bear hugs to you and your brother. I wish I could find a thread to connect to my brother
A beautiful piece of interior work and writing.
Oh, Vicki, not only did this bring me to tears, but now you've gone and inspired me to set up a Zoom call with my estranged brother. Thank you. ❤️
Thank you dear one 🙏🏼 I find myself not only deeply moved by you and for you but also awakened for myself.
Heartfelt words with the ring of truth and the beauty of forgiveness. Thank you for sharing this with us. I was a hippie kid of a traveling mother and my two not much older brothers have somewhat different recollections which we are close enough to share. A gift.
Your words move deeply in my heart.
It’s never too late to love, until you’re dead. And learning that you are loved, and always have been, a gorgeous gift for your 4th Quarter. The phase of life I call ´harvesting’ - as you are, beautifully. To tears!
What an incredibly beautiful story of reconciliation. You have to wonder if you would have reached out if you hadn't experienced that depression? Sometimes, I think, the universe pushes us in ways we would never have imagined (or chosen)to do that things that will ultimately heal us.🩵
When I was four years old, my parents divorced. My mother took me and moved to Colorado, leaving my brother and my sister behind. For the next few years, my siblings, ten years plus older than I was, made attempts to be in touch and be a part of my life. But then, they went to college, started families of their own and I was still far away from them. Over decades we visited every few years, but going six or seven years without seeing each other, wasn't at all unusual. I grieved the loss of them my entire life and their deaths in the past two years made me grieve them more.
Your essay underscores the binding of blood and heart and I find it tender and beautiful that you were able to mend things with your brother in a way that he has your back. Reclamation and forgiveness are a powerful force. As younger beings we don't always recognize the shattering that's in front of us -- suicide, divorce, addiction -- there's a list of things that can make that clay pot holding family, shatter. And sometimes it takes a lifetime to gather the pieces back to us and to reclaim our wholeness.
You are a good a courageous woman and I admire and am inspired by your re-weaving story. May you and your brother continue to know love and goodwill.
As the unmothered daughter of a bi-polar mother (and she in her turn the same), and being both childless and siblingless in the world, I feel your pain. It takes huge courage and humility to seek a reconciliation, and I shed a tear at how your brother recieved you after all these years. I'm so sorry for the loss of your father to suicide, and the long shadowy tentacles that has left in your whole family's life. Sending love, Jody x
A beautiful, vulnerable piece of writing. And reaching out to your brother, as well as sharing your story with the world are very brave acts on your part. Thank you. May you continue to heal whatever you think needs healing. And we'll all just walk each other home.
This is beautiful, Vicki.